


Now Go on and Drift Away

by serohtonin



Series: Lights Out [3]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:04:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris doesn't understand Darren's choices. Darren doesn't budge but wants Chris to support him anyway. Can their relationship survive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now Go on and Drift Away

**Author's Note:**

> The relationship surrounding these events are completely fabricated by me, and should not be assumed as truth. Inspired by the song ["Open Hands"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sLW5hT6NwE) by Ingrid Michaelson.

_Spring 2013_

"You should come," Darren murmurs into Chris' neck, pressing his naked front against Chris' bare backside.

"Mmm, I thought I just did."

Darren kisses Chris' cheek. "I mean to one of the tour dates, babe. Some of my college friends said they'd come, like Brian and Lauren." He runs his fingers up and down Chris' arm. "Hell, even Becca is going to the L.A. show. Jacob, too."

"Ahh, the newbies on your McKinley set. Stop," Chris laughs as Darren tickles his sides. "You know why I shouldn't go, Dare."

"First of all, _my_ set? Second of all, I will not." Darren's fingers creep across Chris' stomach. "Third of all, I don't care. You can sneak in somehow. I know a guy."

"Yes, it _is_ your set now. I'm never there anymore, and-- Ahh, Darren! You don't play fair," he groans as Darren’s fingers curl deeper into his skin. "I told you I have a very busy schedule."

Darren kisses down Chris' neck, and his hands trail down to Chris' cock. "Damn right I don't play fair. You know you could always make time, Christopher. Clear your schedule for a day. C'mon, it's me."

"It's you? Well, maybe I can _\--unhh, fuck--_ move some things around?"

"That's more like it," Darren whispers in Chris' ear as he starts jerking Chris off in earnest. 

"Hate you," Chris grunts, bucking up into Darren's hand.

"No, you don't. You fucking love me."

Darren grinds against Chris' ass while kissing the back of his neck and continuing to work him over.

"Ugh, I hate it even more when you're right," Chris exclaims as Darren's thumb grazes the slit on the head of his cock. "Fuck, I fucking love you so much."

"Love you too, baby. Mmm, yess. Gonna miss this so much when I'm gone."

"Me, too."

Chris turns his head and captures Darren's mouth in a dirty kiss.

"Maybe I'll make it to one date, okay?" Chris promises when they part. "Oh, shit, I'm gonna--"

"Yeah, okay," Darren answers breathlessly. "I got you."

Then, Chris reaches his release, crying out Darren's name, and Darren comes soon after.

Chris has got him, too, or at least he hopes so.

\----

Darren _thought_ he had persuaded Chris to come out to one of his shows, but Chris kept insisting he'd be too busy. 

Darren suspected it was about something else entirely.

His fears are confirmed when Chris discovers a promotional photo for the tour.

Chris picks up a copy of the test shot late on a Sunday evening and waves it in Darren's face. "What the hell is this?" 

Darren sits at the desk in Chris' office in front of his laptop, and grimaces at the picture of him peeking from behind a curtain with what appeared to be a multitude of women's hands all over him. "I didn't like that one either. Maybe they won't use it."

"Yes, they will. You need to look like a viable, hot, single, _hetero_ teen idol. That's how they're gonna market you."

"Oh, yeah, because I've always cared so much about people perceiving me as straight," Darren chuckles. "How do you know they're gonna market me like that?"

"They want you to be a pop star."

Darren raises an eyebrow. "Like the next Britney Spears? Ooh, or Beyoncé?"

"Please, you wish you could be Queen Bey."

"I do. I could take over your _Single Ladies_ dance, make it my thing."

"Darren," Chris chides.

He spins in the office chair away from his computer. "Where's the sparkly glove? I'll do it right now."

"Dare."

"What? It's my career. I know what I'm doing, Chris. Can you just leave it alone? It's not like we're going public any time soon."

Chris glares at him. "That's not the point, Darren."

"Then what _is_ the point, Chris?"

Chris stands in front of him, holding the photo down at his side. "This isn't who you are."

Darren pulls Chris closer by the wrist until his knees knock against Darren's own.

"I know that," Darren tells him. "It's fucking ridiculous, but sometimes we have to play the game, y'know? That's just the way it is."

Chris scowls. "Well, sometimes I hate it."

"Yeah, me too, but I have you, so it's tolerable."

"Tolerable, eh?" Chris smirks, crawling onto Darren's lap. "Glad I could be of service."

Darren cups Chris' cheek. "There are other ways you can be _of service_ to me as well."

Chris smacks his arm.

"It's not like you don't enjoy it," Darren reasons, his mouth close to Chris' own.

"Why do you always distract me like this?" 

"Because it's fun, and this," Darren kisses Chris on the lips briefly, "is so much better than talking shop."

"You're right."

Chris kisses him back, and soon, their conversation is forgotten, at least for a little while.

\----

Then, while they're waiting around at work between setups, Chris notices Darren typing out the potential setlist for the tour on his phone, and their argument continues.

"Really? You're doing _that_ song?" Chris wonders, peering over Darren's shoulder and pointing to the title "Picture Perfect Girl."

"Thinking about it. Nothing's set in stone yet. Gotta play some new stuff."

"When did you write that?"

"Does it matter?" Darren replies without looking up.

"Wait, did you even write it?"

"It's commercially appealing, Chris. Not every song is based on personal experience or has some deep, heart-wrenching meaning."

"Trust me. I know. You know the kind of music I listen to, Dare, and if this is the track I overhead you playing a few months ago, I love that pop, dance-y stuff. That type of song is so you, but the content..." Chris trails off and makes a disapproving face.

"Isn't me? How many times are you gonna tell me that?"

"I just think that--"

Darren sighs and turns to look at him in exasperation. "That I can handle myself? I appreciate your opinion, but this is my decision."

"Is it really?" Chris mutters, leaning back in the chair behind Darren.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. I'll stay out of it from now on."

Darren searches Chris' face. "Does that mean that you're coming to see me play or not?"

"I--" Chris starts, but the director calls for everyone to take their places before he can answer.

Darren frowns, but quickly schools his face into a more neutral expression, wondering if his business decisions will ultimately hurt his relationship with Chris more than it already has.

\----

Sadly, it does.

Darren brings up the subject again one night after dinner.

"Please, Chris. Why are you being so weird about this? Why can't you support me?" 

"Because I can't watch you pretend to be someone you're not. I just think you're selling yourself short by presenting some generic, consumable version of who you are," Chris tells him while tossing their dirty plates in the sink.

Darren rises, letting his chair squeak across the floor. "Consumable? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you're changing, and I don't like it."

"Oh, so now I'm changing? How have I changed, Chris? Please, enlighten me," Darren yells sharply.

"They're encouraging you to hang out with _her,"_ Chris says quietly, not turning to face him. "You know how I feel about that."

Darren carefully steps closer to him. "And you know how I feel about you. We've been together over a year and half. She's my ex. It's ancient history. We're just friends."

"Like _we_ were just friends?" Chris asks, raising his eyebrows as he finally looks at Darren.

"I see your point, but I would never hurt you. Being around her takes the heat off us. I would think you'd be okay with that."

"She's your ex-girlfriend, Dare."

"So, this isn't about my image at all, is it? This is about you being jealous," he fires back.

"Why the hell wouldn't I be? She's there. She's beautiful. She's what they're encouraging you to want, Darren. Don't you see that?"

"I don't _see_ anyone but you." He takes Chris' hand. "And it would be amazing if you could be in the audience while I'm performing on my first solo tour. Fuck everything else that doesn't matter."

"But it _does_ matter. It matters that you even have to be seen with her in the first place. It's like you have something to prove."

"Well, maybe I still do. It's not like I have a ton of awards and shit, like some people."

Chris snatches his hand away. "Oh, so now you're going to make me feel awful for being successful? What a way to persuade me to change my mind."

"I'm sorry." Darren frowns. "It's just--I have a lot of riding on this, and it'd be nice if the person I love could be there for me. You of all people should understand the nature of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it."

Chris picks up a towel and runs it under the water, turning away from Darren. "Oh, I understand perfectly. I understand that you could avoid the questions about your love life entirely by making sure they don't get asked."

"You know they'll find a way to ask them, Chris. I'm not the one who outright denied us when that happened."

Chris throws the towel in the sink and turns back to Darren. "Since when do you pay attention to my interviews?"

"Since when do you pay attention to _mine?"_ Darren snaps.

"It's the only way I get to see you lately, with all the press you've been doing."

"It's not like you're not busy, either."

"I know that, but we promised we'd make time for each other, Dare."

"Which is why we just had dinner together, and why I would love for you to come to the tour."

Chris rolls his eyes in exasperation. "God, are you even listening to me?"

"One date. It's all I'm asking. Please," Darren begs.

"Like I said, I'll check my schedule."

Chris leaves the room in a huff, while Darren exhales harshly, wondering how this spun out of control so fast and how he can fix it.

Darren follows Chris upstairs to the bedroom and grabs Chris' wrist. "You keep saying that, but I'm leaving in two weeks, Chris. I wanna know if I'll have you by my side for at least some of it. I'll be in L.A. for one night and if you can’t spare a few fucking hours for _one night--"_

"You what? You'll break up with me? You'll hook up with someone else, because God knows she’s chomping at the bit to--"

Darren frames Chris' face with his hands and silences him with a fierce kiss. 

"I want you, Chris. I love _you._ I can't believe you haven't gotten that by now."

"Then, act like it, Darren," he demands breathlessly once they part.

Darren pushes him against the wall and slinks down his body, unbuckling Chris' belt. 

His eyes go wide and one hand drops to Darren's shoulder. "Darren--"

"I'm showing you that you fucking matter to me. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"You don't have to--"

"I do," he tells Chris sincerely as he looks up at him.

Then he slips Chris' pants down his legs and hungrily mouths at Chris' cock through his underwear.

"Fuck, I want you so much, all the time," Darren murmurs, peeling away Chris' underwear. "Wanna suck you off." He licks a line up Chris' cock. "Wanna fuck you, want you to fuck me. I want everything."

Darren glances up at Chris and sucks at the head of his cock. 

"Yes," Chris moans, gripping Darren's curls roughly in return.

Darren lets his tongue slide along the ridge in a familiar motion, enjoying how Chris arches toward him and forces a tiny bit more down Darren's throat.

Darren grunts around him and squeezes Chris' hips, taking in even more of Chris' cock.

Then Chris thrusts the rest into Darren, until his balls smack heavily against Darren's chin.

Darren bobs his head up and down, creating a fast rhythm when he usually prefers to take his time and trace the underside with his tongue. Sometimes, he'll pull off and kiss Chris' lips.

But this time, he doesn't, only relentlessly sucks, letting Chris grow to full hardness in his mouth.

"Oh, fuck, Dare," Chris groans. "Love the way you take me. So fucking good."

Darren breathes harshly through his nose and pushes away his gag reflex as Chris' precome trickles onto his tongue.

Darren pinches Chris' hip then, signaling that he can fuck Darren's mouth.

"Really? God, yes," Chris grunts out, and after Darren blinks twice in reassurance, he grabs the back of Darren's head, fucking into him rapidly.

Darren ignores his own hardness and lets Chris use him until he spills his throat. Darren eagerly swallows and keeps Chris there even as he softens.

Then he licks at Chris' slit softly before pulling off and wiping his mouth.

"Shit," Chris exclaims under his breath. "C'mere."

Darren looks up at Chris' blissed out expression and complies.

"I'm sorry," Chris whispers against Darren's lips.

Darren rests his forehead to Chris' own and sighs. "It's still not okay, Chris."

"I know." Chris sighs. "And I love you, but I can't."

Darren feels tears welling up in his eyes but he kisses Chris anyway.

"I love you, too. Can we just go to bed?" Darren asks quietly.

Chris nods. "Yeah. Okay."

They settle in silently, with Darren taking the position of the little spoon.

Chris kisses his favorite spot, a birthmark low on Darren's neck, and Darren is thankful that Chris can't see him starting to cry.

\----

They wrap up filming season four and as Darren continues to promote the upcoming tour, tension still lingers between Chris and Darren.

They avoid each other most nights with Chris telling Darren that he's busy writing and Darren throwing himself into perfecting the songs he'll debut soon.

They do reunite briefly at a New York hotel before the upfronts to have a couple of drinks, where they end up admitting how much they've missed each other.

Then, they share a few laughs and orgasms on the limo ride over to the event.

When Lea catches them exchanging sneaky grins and smiles at them, Darren feels like his relationship with Chris is tentatively okay again. But after work is done, they ignore their unresolved conflict in favor of more hot touches and hushed dirty talk back at their hotel.

Darren groggily awakens in the morning and finds Chris already sitting up and getting dressed.

"No, come back," Darren whines, his voice still rough from sleep.

"Mmm, I wish I could, but I have a meeting, baby." He brushes Darren's hair back and kisses his forehead. "See you at home?"

"Okay," Darren answers, trying not to let his disappointment show. "Are we gonna, um, talk before I have to leave again?"

Chris studies Darren's face and tells him, "We'll see," before focusing a little too intently on buttoning his shirt.

Darren reaches out for Chris and tangles their fingers together. "Hey. Love you."

"Love you, too, Dare," Chris reassures and darts in for a quick kiss on the lips.

Then, he gets up and heads out the door, leaving a sulking Darren.

It was nice to reconnect, but Darren is once again left unsure how they're going to survive the rest of their time apart.

\----

During the next two weeks before the tour starts, Chris is unwilling to talk about whether or not he'll show as Darren suspected he might.

Instead, they spend their time together having an early celebration for Chris' birthday, including red wine and chocolate cake. Then, they get lost in fucking long and slow, their issues still hanging heavy in the air between their kisses.

"Goodbye, Chris," Darren says as the bright morning light creeps in just a few days before he leaves.

"Bye, Dare," he replies sleepily. "You're gonna be amazing."

Darren resists telling him how much more amazing he would be if Chris could join him, his heart sinking as he dresses quickly and leaves Chris' house for what he hopes won't be one of the last times.

So he pushes down that somber thought and chooses to look ahead to his bright professional future, and not to what might be his numbered days with Chris.

\----

Darren is still upset about Chris' absence but remains genuinely excited to travel back to San Francisco to see his family, and perform the first of many sold-out shows.

He even snaps a picture inside The Fillmore, where he's playing, and sends it to Chris, along with the text, _Wish you were here._

During the soundcheck, Chris simply replies with:

_I'm sorry._

After Darren makes sure that the sound technician has fixed the reverberation across the theater, he texts back:

_Me too._

While finally catching a break and grabbing a bite to eat with his brother, Darren checks his phone, sighing at Chris' response.

_We've talked over and over about why I'm not there. I'm done._

"Is that from you know who?" Chuck asks him in the middle of lunch.

"Yeah," Darren tells him, "and everything fucking sucks because he's not coming to see me play. Like, at all."

Chuck pauses mid-bite. "Shit. What happened?"

"He disapproves of how I’ve been handling all this tour stuff. He thinks I'm a media whore or some shit."

Chuck swallows and then replies. "He might not be far off. Let's face it, if you put out a record tomorrow, it'd be a lot different than the one you've been dreaming about for a long time."

Darren scrunches his eyebrows indignantly. "Are you taking his side?"

"Dude, I'm trying to make you understand where he's coming from. Maybe he's hurt because he cares about you and wants the best for you."

"That's what he said. Well, something like that." Darren grimaces. "Why do have to sound so fucking reasonable?"

"I'm your big brother. It's my job. Plus, I kind of have experience with this sort of thing. I've been in a long-term relationship for quite a while. It's also my job to steal your food," he adds after grabbing a forkful of rice from Darren's plate.

"Fuck you," he says with hardly any malice. "Do you know how often I get to eat Mom's cooking?"

"More than me. You don't live on the other side of the country, dickwad."

Chuck playfully sticks out his tongue, mouth still full of half-chewed food.

Darren sticks his tongue out in kind, and then returns to being serious when he speaks again.

"So, what should I do?"

"That depends. How did you leave things?"

Darren tilts his head and considers how much he should explain. Then he finally says, "It's complicated."

"Well, I got that much. You love him, right?"

"How could you even--? Of course I do."

"Maybe you'll have to agree to disagree on this, then."

"I don't see how, Chuck. This isn't gonna go away. Man, I knew it was gonna be rough when we got together, but I didn't imagine it would be like this. So much ridiculous bullshit."

"I can't even imagine, but you wouldn't have gone through it if it didn't mean something, y'know? I don't think he would've either. He seems smarter than that."

"Yeah, he is. Smarter than me probably," Darren chuckles. 

"Yeah, probably."

Darren punches Chuck's arm. "Asshole."

"Anyway," Chuck laughs, "my point is, it'll work out. Maybe some time apart will help."

Darren sighs. "God, I hope so."

\----

It doesn't help.

Everyone is cheering Darren on after the show and he's on a high like no other, but all he wants is to hear Chris' laugh and hug him tight.

He ignores that feeling, and after congratulating the band and sharing an emotional moment with his parents, he goes outside the venue to face a crowd of fans still waiting for him.

"Hey, you guys, thanks so much for sticking around after the show. You're all fucking amazing and this whole thing wouldn't have been possible without you. Hope I didn't disappoint you too much with the new sh-stuff. Sorry, I forgot there might be little ears around," Darren tells them all with a laugh, though he feels tears prickling at his eyes.

 _"You're_ amazing, Darren. It was worth the wait," a girl yells from the sidewalk.

"Aw, shucks. Want me to sign something for you?" Darren asks, blushing a bit in the darkness.

The girl begs him to take a selfie with her instead, and though Darren's manager chides him to move along, he obliges.

He takes more pictures and signs a few things after that, thinking that _this_ is why he performs; despite all the drama with Chris and creating a well-crafted image, he would never give up satisfying the fans while he still has them.

He cherishes the recognition almost as much as he cherishes his relationship with Chris, and he hopes he'll never have to choose between them.

However, maybe one day, he'll need to.

\----

He's faced with that decision sooner than he realizes when his publicist tells him in the middle of the tour that there's a video going around the Internet of Chris holding hands with another guy.

Darren immediately defends Chris but his publicist confronts him with the evidence: Chris walking around Paris with someone who looks an awful lot like a friend that Darren has never been too keen on, and sure enough, they're holding hands.

Darren's so upset that he simply agrees with an interviewer who comments on how beautiful his girlfriend is.

Then, he returns to the tour bus right before the show and texts Chris:

_I'm so sorry._

_It takes the heat off us,_ Chris replies. _That's what you wanted, right, but why are *you* sorry?_

Darren realizes that Chris probably hasn't heard his interview and immediately regrets not calling to hear Chris' voice.

Darren tells him:

_I saw the video. I hate that we're doing this._

He stops short of saying, "I hate _him."_

Chris responds:

_Nothing else happened, I promise. We'll be alright._

Though Darren has to be at the venue soon (he might even already be late), he calls Chris and instead of saying hello, he tells him:

"We're not alright, baby."

 _"I-I know,"_ Chris stutters out, his voice shaking, _"but I don't-I don't love him, okay?"_

"Okay, and I don't love her. We just need to remember what's real."

Darren hears a wry chuckle on the other end, and then:

_"Good luck. I've seen some of the pictures and you look like you've been having so much fun."_

"God, it's fucking awesome. I, um, I'm taking a break for a couple weeks to do press for the movie. Where will you be?"

_"You don't have to stop in. I'll see you after the tour, alright?"_

Darren fights to stay composed at the implication that Chris doesn't want to see him, even when Darren clearly offers.

"Oh, okay. Listen, I have a show to do. Talk to you soon, babe."

_"Love you, more than you know."_

Darren gulps and returns the sentiment, but wonders why Chris needed to qualify it with an extra phrase. 

Then, there's a click and Chris is gone before Darren can get an explanation.

Darren shakes it off though, heading into the venue to join the band and get ready for the show.

He switches to performance mode quickly once he hears the opening act and the crowd's excited screaming.

The show goes great and he's still on a high after he's done when his ex-girlfriend approaches and praises him.

There's a flirty look in her eyes that Darren recognizes all too well, but he thanks her anyway.

She licks her lips coquettishly and presses close to him, making it clear that she's around if he's feeling lonely or wants to celebrate.

His mind flashes back to how good they were together, back before Chris.

_Chris._

He loves Chris and misses him, and even if she's here and Chris is not, that's not an excuse to fuck up and fuck around on him.

He'll fix his relationship with Chris, no matter what it takes, but that will have to wait until his business stuff is wrapped up.

\----

A break from the tour and a chance to be in Paris promoting the film is beyond anything Darren could have ever dreamed. It's nice to reunite with his co-stars, and, yes, even play a show, but it's even nicer to go back to the States and finish up his grueling summer schedule.

The final Northeastern leg of the tour was a great opportunity to connect with his brother, and some more old friends, yet again.

However, there's only one person on Darren's mind as he heads back to the West Coast.

After he gets home and throws his stuff down in his room, he races to Chris' place.

Although Darren has a key, he knocks anyway and a wide-eyed Chris greets him.

"Dare, you're home," he says breathlessly.

Darren immediately pulls him into a tight embrace and murmurs into Chris' shirt, "I missed you so fucking much."

"Missed you, too," Chris says quietly. "Come sit with me."

"Okay," Darren agrees, letting Chris take him by the hand and lead him to the couch.

They sit down wordlessly, hands still linked together, and after a few moments, Darren speaks.

"I wish we could be on the same page about this. We're sorta in this together, Chris. At least, I'd like us to still be."

"Me, too, Dare, but you should consider my opinion. That's part of being in this as well."

Darren sighs, shifting so that his knee knocks against Chris'. "You're right. I'm sorry for being a dick about it."

Chris smiles and looks down almost bashfully as he tells him, "I was pretty stubborn, too, though. Ultimately, that kind of stuff really is your decision."

As Darren watches the beautiful flush spread across Chris' cheekbones, he realizes he'll do everything in his power to never let business get in the way of _this,_ the opportunity to witness the softer side of Chris that hardly anyone else gets to see but Darren.

When Chris looks up at him, Darren smiles too, and says, "Exactly, so can we just both be sorry and have hot makeup slash reunion sex? Because I really do miss you. Like a lot."

Darren cups Chris' cheek with his free hand, tracing his thumb over the bow of Chris' lips in a practiced motion. 

Chris instinctively closes his eyes and nods. "Yes, to all of the above."

"Good."

Darren draws his thumb away and kisses Chris sweetly.

Now, Darren's truly home.


End file.
